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THE HERO
By Louise BehielOften the oldest child, the hero copes with the stress in his or her family by being responsible. Labeled "THE GOOD CHILD" this is the kid who succeeds - he or she is often good at school, will excel at sports if they try, they're precocious and take on responsibility for others - often including their parents.
These children grow up not knowing they have needs - they're always busy taking care of the people around them - and everyone around them needs help. From parents, to siblings, to spouse, children and friends, the hero is surrounded by people he or she can help - whether with college tuition, advice, or $5, the hero can be counted on to come thru for others. Ironically, most of their friends are needy - and the hero is always willing to help, usually spouting platitudes like "anyone would do the same thing", when in fact, most people wouldn't go to the lengths to be helpful as the hero.
Often called strong, and lauded for their wisdom and abilities, the hero doesn't know how to quit. He or she will work and work and work, often becoming an accomplishment junkie - or compulsively being all things to all people.
On the dark side, the hero may often secretly resent the people around him or her. After all, there's nobody around when she needs someone. In fact, her friends and family may decry any request she makes - if he or she can work up the nerve to ask for help (which is very unlikely, but possible).
Family dynamics do not allow this member to be needy - they always have to be strong, capable and responsible - so they give family members something and someone good to brag about. But have no doubt, there's no room for humanness in the hero's life. If he or she tries to stop giving, or tries to put him or herself first for once, everyone around them will whine and cry about how selfish they're being. And guilt is the perfect hook to bring the hero back into line. Always.
One of the co-founders of the chapter and the current President, Louise divides her time between working full-time, writing and being bossed around by her two little poodles.
©Louise Behiel 2003
