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THE LOST CHILD
By Louise BehielThe lost child can't handle the stress of living in this family, so they don't. Rather than cope, they disappear.
This is the girl who plays dolls in her bedroom by the hour, or the boy who's always out with his friends. This is the child slumped in front of a book or a computer for hours on end. It's the child who's always out with his or her friends or who's so wound up in activities they're never home. This is the kid who gets good or decent marks in school as a result of hard work - hours and hours spent studying either at home, a friend's or the library. This is the child who's invisible to the family and what's happening at home - and they work hard to keep it that way.
In the long run, as adults, these children move away - and usually as fast as they can. After all, they can't cope with mom, dad, their siblings and life, so they disappear. These children often grow up afraid to make commitments - after all, their family has been no great shakes, so why would they want to create another one?
The lost child may or may not succeed, but he or she is always the different kid - the one the family jokes must have been a changeling. He or she may get deeply involved in science or computers or just about any subject that catches their interest. They'll pursue that interest to the exclusion of almost everything else, including and especially their families.
The lost child may 'forget' family dinners and events. They may move too far away for visits to be possible. They may live next door or in the basement, but always, they're lives are too busy for the family - they have their interests (some might call them obsessions) and they have no time for frivolous activities - especially the insanity played out by their families.
These children are not usually good at relationships. They haven't seen anything at home they want to emulate and since they tend to immerse themselves into projects and interests, they may not have any other models to follow. As a result, their lives may look empty to those on the outside, but these folks are much too busy to be lonely - they've learned the hard way to count on themselves and only themselves. And they don't feel that they're missing anything. Their solitary life is the desired one for the lost child.
One of the co-founders of the chapter and the current President, Louise divides her time between working full-time, writing and being bossed around by her two little poodles.
©Louise Behiel 2003
