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THE SCAPEGOAT
By Louise BehielThe scapegoat is the child who deflects the family stress by acting out. He or she will feel that there's something wrong with the family, whether it's being talked about or not, so they act out the toxicity around them. Ironically, they are then labeled the 'problem child', although that's not the case at all. They are simply performing a service for their family - they provide a focus for all the problems and a safe place for everyone to admit there's a problem within the home.
Scapegoats (or rebels as they're often called) are the children who take drugs and drink alcohol in their pre-teens or teens. They're the kids who cut classes, who 'don't work up to their potential' and who do poorly at school. They're the kids who shop lift and smoke and generally get into trouble with their peers. They're often bullies, acting tough to purge the missing elements of their home from their souls.
These kids grow up to be 'tough' adults - you may not like them, but if you hook their loyalty, you'll be friends for life, or until a new best friend comes along. Interestingly, if the hero of the family dies or leaves the family dynamic, the scapegoat will often assume that position - going thru the metamorphosis of transformation.
The scapegoat can be hard to spot in some families. For example, in a highly successful dysfunctional family, the scapegoat may be the child who refuses to get a post-graduate degree, get married or buy a house. If these standards are important to the family's view of itself, then the scapegoat will refuse to comply - often bringing scorn and derision down on themselves.
Ironically, if they give it any thought, the scapegoat will believe he or she has let the family down. They're the problem of a 'good' family. But they don't know how to break the pattern of reaction and inflicting pain on themselves to mirror the family's pain, so they have trouble finding the way out.
One of the co-founders of the chapter and the current President, Louise divides her time between working full-time, writing and being bossed around by her two little poodles.
©Louise Behiel 2003
